


Words Unspoken

by VyeLoyomBrightwarrior



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior/pseuds/VyeLoyomBrightwarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Belle French and Farlan Gold have been having a hard time with love as of late. Neither feels they are really cut out for it, and they'll either end up helping each other or just make everything worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the prompt "Please don't say I love you" given to me by afewmistakesago. If you have prompts for this I would love it! Just leave a comment with your prompt or go on my tumblr, vyeloyombrightwarrior. I hope you enjoy this.

“You didn’t have to let me stay here,” she tells him as she slowly swirls her cup of tea. He stares down at his own cup, idly taking a small sip.

“I know,” he states quietly. Then they just sit there for a moment, neither knowing what to say. It isn’t that he has nothing to say. He has a million things he wants to tell her, all swirling and vying for dominance. He doesn’t think she’d like any of them. The silence starts to get unbearable so he takes another sip of his tea to give himself something to do other than just sit in silence.

“Where is she?” Belle asks him then. He can’t bring himself to meet her eyes. He shrugs, taking yet another sip. Soon he’s going to be done with his tea. At least that will give him a reason to leave the living room, if only for a moment.

“Out,” he mutters. “She won’t be back tonight.” It’s past midnight. He’s not going to see her until tomorrow evening if he even sees her at all. Silence falls again as he stares into the liquid as though it can reveal some secret to making his life better. It doesn’t.

“How’s Bae?” she asks him then. His frown deepens as he glances at the stairs.

“Okay.” He knows that’s a lie. Bae knows something is going on. He’s a smart lad and he can surely tell something is going on between his parents. He’s even asked if his mom still cares about him. Farlan isn’t sure how he should be answering that anymore.

“Sorry,” Belle mutters then. “I’m asking too many questions.” She’s right of course. His curious friend is asking far too many questions that he doesn’t even know how to answer for himself.

“It’s fine,” he lies again. It seems like he’s been doing that more and more lately. “It’s just late.” It is late. It’s past midnight after all. “I’ll show you to the guest room.” The room he’s been sleeping in the past couple of months. That’s okay though. He can use the couch.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Belle tells him then as she continues to swirl her tea. He can’t say he blames her. He hasn’t been getting much sleep recently either.

“Oh.”

The silence resumes and he takes another sip of tea. He’s almost out now. That means he can get up soon under the guise of getting more. “You don’t have to stay up,” she says then. Her voice sounds mostly steady but he can recognize the underlying emotion because it’s the emotion he feels every minute of every day. Guilt.

“I wasn’t going to get any sleep anyway,” he admits. He feels her gaze on him then so he takes another sip. One more and he can get up and have a break from the tenseness filling the room.  
“Why did you let me come here?” The answer is clear and immediately jumps to the front of his mind. It’s the wrong answer though and he knows he can’t say it. There are just so many reasons it’s a bad answer and so he can’t bring himself to say it. He swallows the last of the tea, already rising as he does so.

“I’m going to go get some more,” he states as he starts to flee the kitchen.

“Farlan,” she says. It’s not loud. In fact it’s barely even a whisper, but it commands his attention the way the loudest yell in the world never could. He turns then, finally locking eyes with Belle for the first time that night. “You didn’t have to you know.” He sees it then. He sees in her eyes what he feels every day. He can tell that she feels the weight of the word worthless pushing her down with all its power. She doesn’t deserve to feel that. Out of everyone, Belle is that last person who needs that.

This is still bad. Feeling this is terrible enough, but saying it? There’ll be no turning back. He can see in Belle’s eyes both the longing to hear the words in his mind and also the dread. Those words, so simple and so powerful, can change everything. He has no delusions that this is right. He knows it’s terribly wrong for him to feel this way and he knows it will be hard, however Belle responds. But he also knows the feeling of worthlessness and he wants Belle to not have to feel that, no matter what it does to him, or to them. If it makes her feel worthwhile for even just a moment, it will be worth all the trouble that follows.

“I love you.”

He’s married. She has a boyfriend. It’s not okay and he’s wrong for even thinking it. But he sees the small smile light her face before being replaced again by worry and confusion. It was worth it. He turns then, before she has the chance to say anything. “Tea,” he says quickly, retreating to the kitchen. He limps over to the counter, setting his cup by the teapot before leaning his full weight on the cabinetry, letting his cane clatter to the floor.

He loves Belle so much it hurts. Sure he loves her beautiful blue eyes and dazzling smile. Of course he likes her flowing hair and petite frame. Her boyfriend loves that too. That’s not why he really loves her. He loves the way she can get so engrossed in a book that it seems like she isn’t paying attention and yet she can pick up on everything said and done around her. He loves the way she can spot off facts he’s never heard of at a rate that he can barely keep up with. He loves that she looks at each and every person who enters her library the exact same way. He loves her kindness.

Compared to her he is nothing. He is the crippled man whose own wife isn’t even interested in him. He is worthless. The only person he is worth anything to is Bae, and that’s because the lad is too young to realize that his father is a failure. Any day now his bright young boy is going to realize his mom isn’t around because she can’t stand the sight of his father. Bae will end up hating him for that. He knows. He hates himself for that.

An arm brushes his own and he turns his head slightly to see Belle setting down her untouched cup. She grabs the tea pot and pours the liquid into his cup. A second later the pot is back on the counter and the tea cup is in her hands. “More tea, right?” He nods, turning his back to the counter so he’s leaning against it. He keeps his eyes on the cup as he reaches for it. Their hands brush but he pulls back quickly, cradling the cup close to his chest. Silence prevails yet again, so he takes a sip.

“I should probably try to get some sleep,” he finally mutters, unable to take it. He sets the cup down, bending over to retrieve his cane. Belle continues to quietly swirl her cup. He picks up his own and heads for the door. He knows he ought to say something before he leaves but he just can’t find the words. Silence. He takes a sip of tea and then walks out the door. He doesn’t catch the four softly spoken words as he exits the kitchen.

“I love you too.”


	2. Guilty Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> afewmistakesago prompted: Gold realizing he's head over heels for Belle. And Belle realizing the same. (The Belle part will be in the next chapter.)

He’d changed and gotten completely ready to go to sleep, and now he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to gather up his courage. He ought to go down to Belle and tell her where this room is. He’s not going to let her just sleep on the couch after all. She deserves better than that. He can’t find the courage to face her again though, not after his confession. He’s such an idiot really. It probably would have been better for both of them if he had kept his mouth shut.

He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help but think about that very first time he’d known he was in love with her. He shouldn’t indulge himself in that memory, but who would know? He’s too selfish to stop himself.

_Bae walked beside him on the way home from the library. Bae loved going to the library and picking out books to read. Today he’d gotten some candidates for his first grade book report, with the help of the librarian Belle French. “Miss Belle was very helpful,” Bae mused. Farlan couldn’t help but smile at that._

_“She always is, isn’t she,” he agreed._

_“I really like Miss Belle Papa,” Bae said. “She’s nice. You think so too right? That’s why you talk to her more than you talk to anyone else.” Did he? Did he really talk to the wonderful librarian more than anyone else? Well, come to think of it she was nicer to him than anyone else. When he talked to her he could pretend, even if only for a moment, that he actually meant something to someone._

_“She is nice,” Farlan stated. She was more than nice actually. She was always ready to help Bae or any other child find what they were looking for. She was gentle, soft-spoken. And once you got her talking she was full of life and fun. She seemed to actually care about what she was saying, who she was talking to. She seemed to actually care about Farlan. Oh no. This wasn’t good._

_“You guys talk a lot,” Bae repeated. “And all you have to say about her is she’s nice?” He shut his eyes for an instant because he knew he thought more than that. He thought she was beautiful. Anyone with eyes and a working brain thought that. But he thought she was smart and kind and funny and… and he thought he loved her. He didn’t know when that happened, but sometime between their first library visit and now, he knew he’d fallen in love._

_“Adults don’t always say everything they think Bae,” he told his son. Telling his son he’d fallen in love with someone other than the boy’s mother certainly wasn’t an option. In fact, telling anyone that would be a very bad idea._

_“Yeah,” Bae stated quietly in a way that made Farlan worry. He glanced down at his lad, trying to figure him out. Something appeared to be wrong. “Papa, does Mama love me?” He stopped cold, instantly crouching down by his precious boy._

_“Oh Bae,” he muttered, instantly pulling his son in for a hug. “She does love you,” he assured because she had to. Who couldn’t love this perfect lad? “She just doesn’t like to be in the house much.” He knew why that was and it had nothing to do with Bae. It had everything to do with Farlan. Milah couldn’t stand him. She’d told him as much. She would be gone most nights now, drinking at the bar. Farlan didn’t mind that. He preferred it in a way. She wasn’t constantly yelling and berating him. But her absence made Bae question his worth and even though Farlan knew it was his fault, he couldn’t help but be angry for the way Milah made their son feel. Belle made Bae happy. He shook that thought out of his head. It was dangerous. It only made him love Belle more._

_“Oh,” Bae said simply. That answer didn’t sound like it had been good enough for Bae. Really, no answer was good enough for the absence of a parent. And here Farlan was making that worse. He was married for goodness sakes. He didn’t need to be further destroying his relationship with Milah by falling in love with another woman. He needed to fix things with his wife. He just had to put his inappropriate newfound love for the librarian out of his mind._

_“Want to stop by Granny’s and get some shakes?” he questioned. Bae needed cheering up and he needed a distraction._

_“Yes please Papa,” Bae agreed, perking up instantly. Farlan chuckled and ruffled the lad’s hair a bit._

_“Then shakes it is,” he stated. They headed for Granny’s and Farlan managed to keep himself distracted with his son for a little while. But once he got home and Bae was doing homework, there was no putting her out of his mind. He was in love and it didn’t seem that there was anything he could do to stop it._

He rises slowly from the bed, wincing at the ache in his leg. The couch isn’t really going to help that. He just sighs, resigned to his fate. He limps to the stairs and then takes them slow, finally getting to the bottom to see Belle sitting on the couch with the cup of tea still in her hands. Either she went for a refill or she still hasn’t drunk any of it. If he was betting he’d put money on the latter.

“Belle,” he calls softly. She looks up at him and he can see a haunted look in her eyes. He hadn’t asked why she had needed a place to stay the night. He’s starting to get very worried about that now, seeing the way she’s been acting. “You should try to sleep,” he tells her then. She nods, setting her tea cup down and then rising to her feet. “The guest room is up the stairs, first door on the left,” he informs her as he grabs her cup, deciding that he probably ought to clean up. “If there’s anything you need, feel free to ask.”

“Thank you Farlan,” she replies with a small smile that doesn’t succeed in taking the sadness away from her eyes. Then she is gone, walking up the stairs to go to bed. He limps to the kitchen and starts to clean up. Just like that first day when he’d known he’d loved her, he can’t get Belle out of his mind. He ought to. His marriage is in a bad place as it is and this will only make it worse. Besides, Belle doesn’t return his affections. It would be best not to think of her. He can’t seem to help it though, so instead he stands there and guiltily thinks of Belle as he cleans the dishes. Maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to not give in to these impure thoughts, but not today. He hates himself for that but he can’t help it. And no matter how guilty he feels, he doesn’t truly want to stop. If he keeps thinking of Belle, the heartache and guilt will only increase. She’s worth it.


	3. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> afewmistakesago prompted: Gold realizing he's head over heels for Belle. And Belle realizing the same. (The Gold part was in the previous chapter.)

Belle stands in the center of the guest room feeling very out of place. She probably shouldn’t have come here. No, she definitely shouldn’t have come here. She knows that. But she feels safer here than anywhere else besides the library, and she can hardly spend the night there. She sighs and moves to go into the bathroom to at least wash her face. She hadn’t thought to bring anything so now she doesn’t even have a tooth brush. She’s sure Farlan would find her one, but she doesn’t want to bug him. Not after he’s done so much.

She washes up and is back in the room. She decides to look in the closest quickly to see if Farlan or his wife keep any extra clothes in here that she can use as a nightgown. If the clothes are in the guest room surely the Golds wouldn’t mind her using them. If she doesn’t find anything she’s going to have to sleep in the clothes she has on.

She’s quite startled when she sees that there are suits hanging in the entirety of the closet. This… this looks like Farlan’s whole wardrobe. She remembers the bathroom she’d used, the one she had assumed was Bae’s. There had been two tooth brushes, one for a kid, one for an adult. And the bed… it looks like it’s been recently used. Farlan sleeps in the guest room.

Emotions threaten to overwhelm her as she goes back to the bed, slumping into a sitting position. Farlan sleeps in the guest room. No wonder she’d never seen his wife with him and Bae at the library. He’d told her that his marriage wasn’t where he wanted it to be. He’d said a few things about Milah that made her know he didn’t like a lot of things she did. She’d still never guessed it was like this. He heart goes out to him but at the same time… he gave her his bed for the night. He could have told her he only had the couch and she would have been okay with that. Just letting her into his house was a favor, he didn’t have to do this.

He cares about her. She’s always known that. He’s always been nice to her, despite what the rest of the town says about him. They were friends right from the start. But no, it’s more than that. He’d said it earlier. He loves her. He loves her and he makes that so obvious with everything he does. She wishes she was braver. She wishes she could tell him she loves him too when he’s actually in the room. But there are only so many ways this could turn out, and the majority of them aren’t good.

She sighs as she thinks through potential bad situation after potential bad situation. No, nothing good could come from this. Nothing but love. The memory of when she’d known she loved Farlan surfaces and she smiles. No one is here. No one will know. She indulges herself and let’s herself relive the memory. It can’t do too much harm.

_She was trying so very hard to be cheerful that day. She didn’t feel like it but she was trying. It was important that the many people who came to the library see her cheerful, especially since the majority were kids. But right now as she faced the bookshelf with her back to the room, she let her face fall. She didn’t have to be cheerful if no one was looking._

_She sighed to herself as she stretched up on the ladder. Really, they needed to buy a bigger one. Or get someone taller to stalk the shelves. She couldn’t quite reach the top. She looked down at the rung above the one she was standing on. It had a warning written in big red letters, advising against stepping on it. Belle always tried to follow the rules. Always. She couldn’t now. Well, she could find a tall person to help her, but disobeying the rules felt appealing today._

_She stepped up, feeling empowered and rebellious. She liked this feeling. It might be stupid to get a thrill from breaking the rules by standing on a too high ladder rung, but she didn’t care. She enjoyed it. She reached up again, feeling the ladder sway dangerously. She moved quickly, slipping the book into its proper spot. Apparently moving fast had been a mistake._

_The ladder tipped over and she yelped in shock. This was why rules were there. This was why rules had to be obeyed. If you didn’t follow rules, you got hurt. Only she didn’t get hurt. At least not as hurt as she should. She fell into something much softer than the ground and she heard a grunt of pain from beneath her. She glanced to the side where luckily that ladder had fallen. It hadn’t hit here or the unfortunate person she was laying on._

_She rolled off quickly on the side opposite the ladder, looking on as Farlan sat up, looking a bit dazed. “Oh no,” she breathed out. “I’m so sorry Farlan.” He was going to be so angry at her, she knew he was. “I was being stupid and clumsy and it’s all my fault. Can I get you something? Ice? Advil?”_

_“I’m fine Belle,” he interrupted her, giving her a concerned look. “Are you okay?” That was when she realized she was on the verge of tears. She nodded a bit, trying to bring herself back under control. Farlan didn’t seem to entirely believe her though. His eyes checked her over, making sure she was alright. She held her breath, hoping he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Apparently she passed his examination though because he looked back into her eyes with a kind expression. “And you weren’t stupid or clumsy. You just have a bad ladder. It’s hard to find a good ladder for people like us.” She smiled briefly at that, remembering that Farlan was pretty short too. But then she remembered what she’d done and the tears threatened to come again._

_“But I fell into you,” she told him. “I knocked you down. I hurt you. It’s all my fault.”_

_“Belle I’m fine,” he assured her again. “It’s just a few bruises.” Then he shifted, letting his eyes drift to the ground. “And if anyone is to blame for me being hurt it’s me.” She didn’t know what he was talking about, but before she could ask Bae was there with his father’s cane in his hand._

_“Here Papa,” he said as he handed it over. Wait. Had Farlan run across the room to get to her?_

_“Thank you Bae,” he stated as he used the cane to pull himself to his feet. He had run across the room to catch her. And he’d looked away because he was embarrassed that he’d fallen over. That had to be it. He cared enough to keep her from hurting herself in her stupidity and then felt embarrassed that he hadn’t managed to stay on his feet while doing it. “Belle?” he questioned and she realized he was standing over her, holding out his hand to help her to her feet._

_“Thanks,” she muttered as he grasped his hand, letting him pull her to her feet. He was so very kind and such a gentleman and… oh no. This couldn’t be. She couldn’t… she couldn’t love him. She did though. She’d loved him before this too she just hadn’t realized until now. But sometime between the time he’d first limped through the library door and now, she’d fallen for him, and not just off the ladder._

_“Are you sure you’re alright?” he questioned then, seeming perturbed by her silence and probably dazed look as she contemplated her feelings._

_“I’m fine,” she promised, deciding not to remind him that **she** had fallen into **him**. He’d probably only argue again and then they’d get nowhere. “Thank you,” she added then. He frowned at that._

_“For falling?” he asked. Belle wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Bae had an idea though._

_“Papa, my teacher says you are supposed to say you’re welcome to complements, not say you didn’t do anything.” Bae was giving his father a glare as though they’d had this discussion before. Farlan shifted a bit, looking slightly guilty. They’d definitely had this conversation before._

_“You’re right Bae,” he agreed, looking at her. “You’re welcome Belle,” he stated then, sounding so gentle and sincere. It really wasn’t helping her with her crush. Though, maybe a crush was okay. She knew Farlan was married. That made it better. She couldn’t act on this so why not let it grow a bit. It would be her own little secret. No one had to know._

_That was a bad idea though. She didn’t need to be fostering a crush on a married man. She didn’t need to fall in love when she already had a boyfriend whom her father approved of. But it had snuck up on her and now that she knew it was there, she realized it was already too late. She was in too deep, and there was no way to reverse it. But looking into Farlan’s warm brown eyes, she found she wasn’t as upset about it as she should be. All the problems it would bring her suddenly felt worth it. She was in love, and she liked it._

She can’t find the courage to tell him she loves him. She knows she can’t. Not tonight. But she can find the courage to talk to him about where he’s sleeping. She stands and walks down that stairs, finding him lying on the couch with a blanket he’d no doubt pulled out of the hall closet. He sits up when he sees her, concern plastered on his face. “Is everything okay?” he asks her then. “Do you need something?”

“You sleep in the guest room,” she states. He gets a confused look as though he doesn’t see how that fits into the conversation. He’s not thinking about himself at all. He’s only thinking about her. She doesn’t really know how to react to that at all.

“Yes, I do. It just works better for Milah and me. We each get our own bed that way.” It’s like he’s defending it. She doesn’t know why. He’s mentioned once or twice that his marriage isn’t in the best place. Though she hadn’t known it was this bad.

“You gave me the guest room.” His still looks utterly lost as to what her comments have to do with anything.

“You are the guest,” he tells her.

“You are sleeping on the couch,” she says, gesturing. Understanding finally dawns in his eyes as he glances down at the couch and blanket before looking up at her.

“It’s no big deal,” he tells her. “I sleep down here some nights anyway, when I don’t feel like climbing the stairs.” He taps his leg then, giving her a small smile. “Don’t worry, really.” Belle still isn’t sure about all this. She glances up at the stairs before looking back at him. “Oh do you need something to sleep in? A toothbrush?” He’s up then, ready to go get her things.

“You can just tell me where things are,” she says, realizing he isn’t going to take no for an answer and not wanting him to have to walk the stairs again.

“Are you sure?” he questions even as he slowly sinks back onto the couch. Apparently he knows she’s going to insist just as much as he is. She nods then and he instantly starts listing where she can find items she might need. It’s easy really. There’s a toothbrush in the drawer of the bathroom that’s unused. There are washcloths in the bathroom closet and she can use his soap and shampoo. Any of his clothes are acceptable to use as her nightgown though he suggests something other than a suit.

“Thank you,” she tells him.

“It’s nothing,” he waves it off. She can’t help but remember the day she fell in love with him and she grins a bit.

“Didn’t Bae’s teacher say to respond to a thank you with a you’re welcome?” He smiles.

“You’re right,” he states. “You’re welcome Belle.” It’s just as gentle and sincere as she remembers it. She turns then, heading upstairs. She had thought after everything that had happened earlier that night, she wouldn’t be able to get to sleep. But she was exhausted and Farlan’s kindness had helped drive the events away. She falls asleep with him on her mind.


	4. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend prompted Belle meets Milah.

He smiles as she comes down the stairs, no doubt following her noise. “Hi,” Bae greets cheerfully, unperturbed by Belle’s presence since he told the lad she was here. “Papa made pancakes.” She smiles at his boy like she always does.

“They smell delicious,” she says as he comes over, placing a glass of orange juice in front of her. He can’t help but notice that Belle is wearing one of his long sleeved t-shirts that he bought to support Bae’s school, and a pair of his sweat pants that he occasionally wears around the house on the weekends when he doesn’t have to be anywhere. She looks good.

“Was everything okay last night?” he asks. He had been worried that she’d have trouble finding everything, but she’d at least found clothes to wear. She nods rather shyly as he goes back to grab his own cup of orange juice. “Good,” he states, unsure of what else he could say. He sits down beside Bae, across the table from Belle. Silence prevails like it always seems to and he takes a sip of orange juice.

“Papa makes the best pancakes,” Bae says, and Farlan finds himself thanking the lad in his head. Trust Bae to come up with something to say. “I like his better than Granny’s,” he adds before taking another bite of the special chocolate chip pancakes Farlan had made that morning.

“Don’t let Granny hear you say that,” he jokes. Bae giggles happily at that and Belle cracks a smile. This is nice actually. Normally it’s Bae and him for breakfast, but having Belle her is… a onetime thing. He is not about to let himself get used to it. The door creaks then. He can hear it. Shoot. Right when he’d thought everything was going well. He rises from his seat even as Milah enters the kitchen. She freezes instantly, staring at Belle. Why did she have to be wearing his clothes?

“What is going on?” she asks angrily. Bae had looked as though he’d been about to run to his mother but at that he stills, sitting and silently watching as though he doesn’t know what to do. Farlan knows the feeling.

“Milah this isn’t what it looks like,” he informs her. It’s too late though. He can practically see the rage mounting in her eyes. “Bae, go get your school stuff,” he states. Bae casts one longing look at his half-finished breakfast before doing as he’s told. Farlan’s going to have to make it up to him if Bae doesn’t have time to finish eating. “Belle, why don’t you go gather your things too,” he suggests. He doesn’t really want her to overhear one of his arguments with his wife. Belle moves to stand, but Milah doesn’t seem to like that idea.

“Your little slut can stay,” she says, making him wince. “This is about her after all.”

“Milah, she just needed a place to stay the night,” he tries to console her. Milah huffs and walks past him, moving to pull the milk out of the fridge. “I slept on the couch,” he adds in an attempt to make her realize that nothing bad had happened. Of course, he’d told Belle he loves her. They wasn’t exactly the best move he could have made in his marriage, and he feels terribly guilty about that. But still. They hadn’t slept together or anything like that, and Farlan never would. He can’t do that to Milah, or his son, or even to Belle. It would hurt everyone involved and no one deserved that.

“You left her upstairs alone with my son?” she questions, rounding on him with white hot anger blazing in her eyes. He freezes up as usual, mind going blank as he tries to think of the right words to say. “She could have killed him!” Farlan shakes his head meekly.

“She’s the librarian,” he argues, taking a step away as Milah thuds the carton of milk down on the counter, turning her full attention onto him. He hates it when her full attention is on him. “We’ve interacted with her countless times.”

“It doesn’t mean she isn’t a murderer you moron!” Milah shouts. Why does she always have to shout? He ducks his head, trying to think up a rebuttal. “Do you know how many people get murdered by people they think are their friends?”

“Belle’s not a murderer,” he insists quietly.

“Yeah, and now we know that because **you were stupid enough to let her in our house!** ” Silence comes again, the silence he so dreads. He knows she’s waiting for him to say something but he can’t come up with words so he just stares at his cane, twisting it slowly in his hands to give him something to think about other than how utterly worthless he is. Belle must think him a coward now. She must hate him for not standing up to his wife for her. He ought to. He knows that. He just can’t.

He glances sideways only to find Belle is not at the table. She’d slipped out while they were arguing. Farlan finds himself grateful for that. He doesn’t want her to hear a word of this. Of course, with the way Milah is yelling Belle and Bae can probably hear every word anyway. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?” Milah questions then in that tone of loathing and disgust. He wants to have something to say for himself. He wants to defend himself, defend Belle. All he can do is shake his head. “Thought not, you _coward_.”

“Papa,” Bae says. He turns to see the lad entering the room with Belle in tow. She’s wearing her clothes from yesterday, so it looks like she’s ready to go. Bae is too, with his backpack and everything. “I’m ready to go to school,” he states, casting a glance at his mother that Farlan doesn’t feel like trying to interpret.

“We can finish this discussion later,” Milah informs him before walking out of the kitchen, probably going to her bedroom. He sighs slightly in relief, only just stopping himself from running his hand though his hair. He doesn’t need Bae and Belle to see just how frazzled he is. He glances down at the pajama’s he’s still wearing. Looks like he’s going to be opening up the shop late today.

“Alright, let’s go,” he says, trying to sound at least slightly cheerful as he grabs the car keys. He’s wearing slippers already. He figures he can drive with those. They walk outside and Bae slips in the back seat without a thought, leaving the front seat he normally occupies to Belle. “Library, right?” he asks her, knowing that unlike him she really has to stick to her hours.

“Yeah,” she agrees quietly. He starts the car, heading for the school first. Luckily Bae keeps up a steady stream of chatter, talking about his class mates and some of the school projects his first grade teacher had assigned. Only then Farlan has to drop him off at the school and the car gets eerily silent as he drives to the library.

“Sorry about this morning,” he feels compelled to say. This was when Belle had first met his wife, really. It hadn’t gone all that well. “Milah was probably just having a bad day.” He knows that’s a lie. Or well, not really. Milah just gets like that around him. He’s the cause, he knows that.

“Yeah,” Belle agrees softly.

“None of it was your fault,” he has to make sure she knows. He doesn’t want her feeling guilty. He doesn’t want her to internalize any of what Milah had said about her. He doesn’t even really know everything Belle heard, but he does know she heard the stuff at the beginning. “She was just overreacting.”

“I know.” He pulls the car into park in front of the library. He turns in his seat to see Belle’s clear blue eyes reflecting pure understanding with no judgement at all. “Thank you Farlan,” she tells him. She doesn’t wait for an answer as she walks out with her long sleeved shirt and pants that are much prettier than the clothes she’d worn of his, but are still long sleeved. He breathes in deeply, leaning back against the wheel. The two of them are in a big mess, and he doesn’t have the faintest idea of how to start getting them out of it.


	5. Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really get a prompt but several people have wanted to see Gaston (who I am naming Gordon in this). So I took that as a prompt. Hope you enjoy.

She sits behind the reception desk, reading a book as others browse through the library. She really just wants today to be over, but at the same time she doesn’t exactly know where she’s going to go for the night. She probably has to go back, but she doesn’t think she can. Her phone lights up again in her peripheral vision. She ignores it again. She knows who’s been texting and calling, and she does not want to answer. She doesn’t feel ready to answer.

She tries to focus on her book but it’s not working very well. Thoughts of Gordon keep popping into her mind. She doesn’t understand him. She doesn’t know how to keep him happy. He’s her boyfriend. She should know him well enough. Well okay, she does. She just isn’t ready to do what he wants. She thinks it’s too soon in their relationship for them to be sleeping together. Gordon disagrees, and apparently if she won’t sleep in his bed she can’t sleep in the house. That’s what he’d said last night at least.

She looks up as the door opens. She knows Bae and Farlan are going to come by soon. Judging by how fast Bae reads he’s bound to have finished the books he got last time and be back for more. She’s looking forward to seeing them. She wants to apologize for causing Farlan trouble. It wasn’t entirely her fault, she thinks. His wife seems unreasonable, and she wishes Farlan would try to get out of that relationship. It seems toxic to her. But she still contributed to the problem by being there, imposing on him because she was too much of a coward to do what Gordon wanted. She has to apologize for that.

Only it isn’t Farlan who walks through the door. Belle’s eyes lock with her boyfriend and she internally starts to panic. She isn’t ready for this. She isn’t at all ready for this. She needs time to prepare. She can’t face Gordon, not now. It’s too late for that though. He strides to the desk, looking every inch at home in her safe space. “Hey Belle,” he greets.

“Hey,” she says back, not sure why he’s currently acting like nothing happened last night. It doesn’t really make much sense.

“I’ve been trying to call you,” he states.

“My phone’s on silent,” she states as an excuse. She’d still seen it lighting up of course, but Gordon doesn’t have to know that. “I’m in a library after all.” Gordon nods at that, taking it in.

“Okay, but we need to talk about last night.” Belle agrees of course, but she’s not sure what exactly to say. “I think you may have overreacted a bit.” Belle frowns. She doesn’t agree with that at all. Telling that to Gordon isn’t a good move. Neither is giving in though.

“I think maybe we both did,” she tries for. Gordon shakes his head in disagreement.

“No Belle,” he argues, leaning in over the counter so other customers won’t hear. “Any other girl would have agreed by now. You’re just being a _coward_.” Belle feels tears start to well up in her eyes.

“Good afternoon Ms. French.” For a second she isn’t even sure who’s speaking. Confidence oozes from the voice and she looks to see the image of a powerful man. He stands with his cane in front of him, leaning on it ever so slightly. He’s eyes are cool, calm, and focused as he stares Gordon down. He’s such a different image from the friend she talks to each day and especially the nervous unsure man in rumpled pajamas that morning that at first Belle’s sure she’s dreaming.

“Mr. Gold,” Gordon says, straightening instantly, having to distance himself from her to do so. Belle hardly pays him any mind. She knew people in town hated and feared the man who owned most of the property in Storybrooke, but she’d yet to see that side of him. She’s a bit in awe actually, at how utterly powerful he seems. His eyes are hard and actually downright dangerous as he regards her boyfriend, and Gordon actually shrinks slightly before him.

“I don’t believe I was I addressing you,” he says in a clear dismissal. Belle has to try hard to keep her mouth from dropping open in utter shock. Gordon mumbles something in her direction, probably ‘see you later’ or something, and then he’s gone, out the front door of the library. Farlan’s sense of power doesn’t leave though. He steps forward, studying her with concern. “He hits you,” he states directly. She just stares, unsure how he figured that out, how he has all this confidence at the moment.

“Sometimes,” she finally brings herself to answer. She deserves it though. It’s always her fault for being stupid or cowardly or not reading Gordon right. Getting thrown out was probably her fault too. She should just do what Gordon wants. It will be less trouble, and what does she know anyway? She’s just a stupid girl who has her head in the clouds.

“Belle, that’s domestic violence,” Farlan tells her. “Abuse. You could take him to court for that, turn him into the police.” Belle shakes her head adamantly. She doesn’t know why she’d do that. After all, the police would side with Gordon. Everyone would. Her father adored Gordon, and she doesn’t think Sheriff Swan would arrest him for Belle being stupid. Besides, Gordon is the best she’ll ever get. No one else could want her. She’s lucky he tolerates her.

“I can’t Farlan,” she states. He frowns then, nodding slowly in understanding. The confidence is still there and it both frightens her and comforts her. He makes her feel safe like this, somehow. He cares about her. He more than tolerates her. That’s a fluke though. Surely if he knew her better he wouldn’t take her into his home on short notice and pay attention to her every need. Surely he wouldn’t try to defend her to the wife he really ought to divorce. Surely he wouldn’t proclaim that he loves her.

“Do you think you could tell your father?” he asks gently. Belle shakes her head. Her father’s greatest joy since moving here a year ago was Belle moving out to live with Gordon. He loves him and Belle honestly doesn’t think her father will believe her.

“He likes Gordon a lot,” she says, moving a hand to grasp at her shoulder. Farlan’s eyes track the movement and he backs up a bit, to give her some space. That’s kind of sweet, but she needs mental space, not physical. He doesn’t seem ready to give her that just yet.

“I’m sure he likes you more,” he tells her. She just shakes her head mutely. It isn’t a good idea. “Just… think about it.” The confidence is gone then, just like that. This isn’t some well thought out sentence or plan. It sounds like a plea. Belle doesn’t know how to react to that, so she doesn’t. She just stares at Farlan, tense and unmoving as he starts to fiddle with his cane.

“I picked out books,” Bae says cheerfully as he comes up. Belle honestly doesn’t know what they would do without him. They’d probably end up in an awkward silence that they would never be able to break.

“I’ll check those out for you,” she says, gently taking the books from the boy. Bae chats away about what he did at school and then she’s done. “Have a nice day,” she tells the two for them.

“You too,” Bae says cheerily as he heads for the door. Farlan lingers a bit longer.

“Stay safe,” he urges her before following his son out into the world. Soon he’ll have to head home and face his wife. Belle is sure the woman will still be angry. She closes her eyes, hating the way that she never seems to be able to get herself to say the important things until Farlan is out of earshot. Still, she utters the words quietly to herself anyway.

“You too.”


	6. Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MademoiselleDearie prompted: As Belle gets ready to leave the library, she finds that Farlan has left her a copy of keys and a note stating that she is more than welcome to stay in the cott at the back of his shop if she wishes not to return home (and if she feels uncomfortable staying at Gold's house again).

Belle dreads going home. She doesn’t know what Gordon is going to say about their unresolved argument, but she knows he isn’t going to be happy about Farlan intervening. He’ll probably take that out on her. Gordon is going to be in a horrible mood. He may even kick her out again. This time she won’t even consider Farlan. She’s caused enough trouble for him already. If she can’t handle things with Gordon she may have to come and sleep in her chair at the library.

She walks over to the outdoor book drop before leaving for good. She always likes to make sure that the books are ready to be shelved instead of sitting in the book drop. It just doesn’t feel right to leave them there, especially overnight. She reaches in and pulls out book by book before her hand closes on one more thing. She pulls it out and sees the envelope. Could it be from Gordon? Maybe he’s already laying down the conditions for her coming back. She looks at the front. It’s blank. No markings.

She goes and sets the books on the cart to be shelved in the morning before sitting back at her desk. She eyes the envelope worriedly, wondering what the heavy thing inside is. A key. It feels like a key. Why would Gordon give her a key? She timidly breaks the seal and lets the object tip out. Sure enough a golden key lies innocently on the counter. Curiosity is now starting to overrule fear a bit and she looks in the envelope, sliding the letter out of it. To her relief the hand writing isn’t Gordon’s. She looks to the signature and finds the name: Farlan Gold. Now completely at ease, she moves back to the top, eager to see why Farlan left her the key.

_Dear Ms. Belle French,_

_This is my way of apology. I realize your experience at my house wasn’t the best in your life, due in part to my forwardness and in part to my not informing my wife of your presence. I also realize that I may have made things worse with your boyfriend. That was not my intention. I only wanted to help you. I still do._

_The key will open the door to my shop. There is a microwave and some microwavable food in the back as well as a cot. There’s a rack of woman’s clothes in the back too if you need to change, and I bought some items you might need. If you need to stay there, or just want to, please do. I would consider it a failing on my part if you didn’t._

_Once again I would like to extend my sincerest apologies. Stay safe Belle._

_Farlan Gold_

Bell feels tears well up in her eyes. She doesn’t believe this. She can’t believe that Farlan would do all that just for her. Well, she can. After everything he keeps doing for her lately she can believe that. Still, it’s overwhelming that he’s letting her sleep in his shop and take his things just because he feels he caused her trouble. Really he hasn’t caused her any trouble at all. She’s been the one causing him trouble and it actually hurts her to hear that he’s so down on himself. Doesn’t he realize how wonderful he is?

Her phone pulls her out of her thoughts. She looks down at the device and sees the caller. Gordon. She glances at his name on the phone before looking at the elegant name of the man who keeps doing everything for her. The man who wants her to stay in his shop. She presses decline call on her phone before slipping it into her purse. She doesn’t want to face Gordon. Not tonight when he’ll be the angriest. He’ll calm down surely. She can see him tomorrow. That probably makes her a coward. She still heads to the pawn shop after she locks up.

It’s odd, walking into the shop. She’s actually never set foot inside before and doing so now without Farlan here feels wrong somehow. She slips through the front quietly, not wanting to turn on the light and let passerby on the street know that someone is in Gold’s shop. She feels like she’s sneaking in when she shouldn’t, and she doesn’t want anyone else to see her.

Belle walks through the cold intimidating exterior thinking she may finally understand why people seem to be scared of Farlan. But then she moves the curtain and slips into the back of the shop. A lamp has been left on close to the cot. Everything back here is more of a mess than she’d expected. Half fixed things lay on the tables, and even a bit on the floor. Tools lie in a haphazard array that she thinks only Farlan himself can navigate. The room has an overall homey feel to it and she sucks in a breath as the realization strikes. This is Farlan’s safe place. This is where he can tinker and relax and just get away, and he’s letting her stay her.

She doesn’t know how to feel about that so she pushes her feelings away, turning to the cot. There’s a pile of stuff on the bed and she comes over, pulling a sheet of paper off the top of the pile. It tells her exactly where everything is, food, the bathroom, everything. She smiles faintly at the detail Farlan put into it all before looking down at the rest of the pile. Soap, shampoo, toothpaste, a tooth brush, long-sleeved pajamas, slippers…. She’s starting to wonder if Farlan was trying to supply her for the night or give her enough to last through a zombie apocalypse. He bought the large sizes of all the toiletry products, and when she looks at the food she finds it filling the cabinets. She even sees that there are tampons and pads lying on the cot. She hadn’t thought he’d even think of something like that. She supposes he does have a wife, but she still can’t really imagine Farlan in the checkout line with the feminine products. He has practically everything anyone might need, and that’s when she looks at the bottom of his instruction list.

_If you need anything feel free to call me._

As if she’d need anything else with everything he’s provided. She starts to feel rather guilty, wondering how much of this was here before this afternoon. He must have gone to great lengths to ensure her comfort, and all because he feels guilty for things she’s responsible for. She really ought to just leave and let him keep all these things for himself. Though she doesn’t suppose Farlan really has a use for woman’s pajamas that are too small for his wife. Besides, he’d said he’d consider it a personal failing if she didn’t stay. He wants her to inconvenience him like this, it would seem. Staying seems rude, but leaving does too. She’s already here. She might as well stay. She’ll just have to think on how to make it up to him later.

She heats up some macaroni and changes into the pajamas, finding herself grateful that she can still cover up her bruises with the long sleeves. She eats her macaroni on the surprisingly comfortable cot, as she thinks some more. She needs to help Farlan. She has to make him see that he’s special, that the way his wife treats him isn’t right. She wants to repay all the kind acts he’s bestowed upon her even though she’s so undeserving. But as hard as she thinks she just doesn’t know how.

Instead she finishes getting ready for bed, laying out things in the shower Farlan has in his shop for some reason she really wants to discover. She’ll be ready to take a shower and the morning and leave with a protein bar for breakfast. She lays in the dark then, thinking of the man who did all this for her. He has to discover the truth eventually, right? That she’s worthless and she doesn’t deserve all of this. He’ll surely stop wasting his time with her then. Still though, she can’t see how she accidently tricked him into wasting his time on her now. Maybe it’s his self-esteem issue. Once he realizes his wife is wrong about him he won’t find the need to be nice to the likes of her. Once she helps him see how special he is, he’ll leave her alone to Gordon. She doesn’t want that. It scares and saddens her. But this is for Farlan. He’s worth it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farlan faces Milah. In some ways it goes better than he thought it would. In other ways, it goes worse.

Farlan dreads going home. He knows full well that Milah isn’t done with their earlier conversation. But naturally he has to go eventually. Some days he’s tempted to sleep in his shop, but while that might be a workable solution for him, it wasn’t really one for his son. Bae deserved better than sleeping on some cot.

So, after stocking up the shop with things for Belle, he headed home with his son. Bae had been chatty all afternoon, but as they got closer to the house he got quieter. Farlan wanted to think that it was because he was getting tired. But he was smarter than that.

“Bae, your mother and I are okay. You know that, right?” There was a long pause. Farlan glanced at his son once or twice but of course had to keep his eyes mostly on the road. “Bae?” he finally prompted.

“I just… she always yells at you,” Bae murmured eventually.

“Everyone fights sometimes,” he found himself defending his wife. Like he always did. Things may not be perfect between them but he wasn’t about to go around saying things to his son that would make him resent his mother. No, their arguments would stay between them.

“Yeah, but she yells at you lot. And not everyone calls guests sluts.” Farlan barely repressed a sigh at that. “What does slut even mean?” His boy was much too observant for his own good really.

“Bae, your mother was really angry earlier, but she shouldn’t have said that word. Okay?” He glanced at his son again and saw the lad scrunching up his nose.

“But what does it mean?” Oh great. They hadn’t even had the sex talk yet. He didn’t really know what to say.

“Well… it… it’s complicated. But… well there are certain things that married people do together and only with each other. Your mother thought I’d done them with Belle.”

“Oh,” Bae stated quietly, letting that sink in. They drove a little further before Bae spoke again. “But why does she call you a coward?”

Well it looked like Bae was going to ask him a bunch of hard questions today. “Well, because I’m not very brave,” he stated, hating to have to tell his son that. But he wasn’t going to lie. Not to Bae.

“Well, I think you’re brave.” The answer shocked him and if he hadn’t been at a stop sign he probably would have forgotten to steer and drifted into another lane. “I mean the way you handled that mean man talking to Belle was pretty brave.”

Farlan breathed out in surprise and a bit of amusement as he cast his son a look. Then he pulled away from the stop sign as he thought of a response. “Well, maybe I’m brave every once in a while,” he conceded.

“No one can be brave all the time Papa. That’s why you have friends, so they can be brave for you.”

Farlan let that sink in, surprised at the words coming from his son’s mouth. “Since when did you get so wise?” he asked. Bae just shrugged.

“I don’t know. But Papa… well I watched a movie at my friend’s house the other day. And the people in that said you marry your best friend. So… shouldn’t Mama be being brave for you instead of calling you a coward?”

This child. Where on earth did he get these thoughts? “We’re just having a rough time right now. It will pass. Everyone argues sometimes.”

“Okay,” Bae stated, though he didn’t really sound convinced. Farlan decided to change the subject, asking after some of his son’s friends. So he got to listen to happy chatter for the rest of the ride home. But then they were home.

The house seemed rather imposing, like it always did. It was too big. He’d said that the day they came to look at it, but Milah had wanted big. So they’d gotten this house. He sat in the car for a moment and Bae did too. He looked at his boy and saw Bae seemed a bit nervous. “She’s going to yell again, isn’t she?” he asked.

“Probably,” Farlan admitted, rather hating the way Bae was effected by all of this. “You just go straight to your room though. Turn on some music. I’ll take care of it.”

Bae looked at him, his little concerned eyes seeming far too grown up for a boy of his age. He seemed to be searching for something, or perhaps trying to find something to say. Finally he settled on one simple phrase. “Just be sure to take care of yourself too.” And then he was moving, grabbing his backpack from the back seat before entering the house.

Farlan followed the lad inside, watching as Milah came into the hallway from the kitchen. “How was school?” she asked.

“Fine,” Bae answered a bit curtly, walking past her. “I’m going to go do homework,” he stated. Farlan knew he didn’t have any today. He’d finished it at school. He didn’t say a word about that. He just watched his son slip upstairs, hating that it had come to this.

“You’re later than normal,” Milah observed. It was almost friendly, but Farlan knew better than to relax. It was just the calm before the storm. “We stopped by the store. I had to restock the shop,” he explained.

“You didn’t let me know,” Milah stated. “You could have texted.”

_Just like you could text when you go out all night._ He didn’t say that though. He didn’t want to cause unnecessary conflict. “Sorry. I’ll try to remember to next time.”

Milah gave him a stare, some sort of searching look that he didn’t really know how to interpret. “Did you go to the library?”

“Yes. Bae wanted new books,” he stated, fairly sure he knew where this was going.

“Did you see the slut there?”

“She’s not a slut,” he defended. “She’s a librarian. And she works there so yes I saw her.” Milah’s eys hardened and he frowned. “What’s the big deal Milah? I let her stay here one night because she needed it. I talk to her when Bae goes to check out books. That’s it.”

Milah frowned herself, eyes flashing a bit. “I’ll be the one to take Bae to the library from now on.”

“What?” he asked, entirely shocked. She had to be joking. Her look said she wasn’t but… “when? I thought you were too busy in the afternoons.”

“I can go on Saturdays,” Milah stated. He didn’t like this though. Taking Bae to the library was something he treasured. The hours on the door to the pawnshop even reflected his bi-weekly ritual. He didn’t want to give that up.

“Bae likes going more than that,” he stated rather meekly.

“Well, we don’t always get everything we like, do we?” Milah asked curtly. He felt like things were spiraling out of control way too fast. He… he didn’t know what to say, what to do. Not when Milah was concerned.

“You’re going to punish Bae just because you don’t like that I let the librarian stay over for a night?” he asked her. Surely she wouldn’t hurt Bae that way.

“Oh don’t act like this is my fault,” she stated. “I’m always the bad guy around here. Haven’t you noticed? Bae adores you, but he hardly says more than a few sentences to me anymore.”

He usually backed down at her accusations, but they didn’t normally involve Bae. “Maybe if you were around more…” he stated. But it was the wrong thing to say.

“How dare you?” she spat angrily. “I have to leave, you know that don’t you? I can’t stand being trapped here with you. Because of things like this. I don’t know why I haven’t just taken Bae with me and never come back.” He felt a pang of fear at that.

“Milah, please don’t talk like that,” he begged. She sighed and placed a hand on her head.

“I don’t want to leave you Farlan. You just make things so damn difficult. Like that librarian. I see the way you look at her.”

He swallowed a bit and looked at the floor. She was right, wasn't she? He was married and in love with another woman. That... that had to stop. “If it bothers you so much then you can be the one to take Bae to the library,” he stated softly. She looked at him then, and nodded.

“I does bother me that much,” she told him. “So, it’s decided then. I’ll take Bae to the library from now on.”

“Yes,” he agreed softly, voice rather dry. He hadn’t expected this. He hadn’t wanted to lose this. But… but it was going to be fine, right? He still had other things he did with Bae. And being away from Belle was the only way to make himself stop thinking about her all the time. Though... if he wasn't around he couldn't help her with her boyfriend problem. He'd have to do something about that. 

“But… maybe you could try to be home a bit more?” he asked her.

“Gosh, sometimes I think you like arguing,” Milah stated, sounding so hurt.

“N-no,” he backtracked. Why on earth had he brought that up? “I just… I think Bae misses you.”

“Well I can’t help it Farlan. Being here depresses me. I have to get away.” From their son? He didn’t understand. But he couldn’t really argue with that.

“Okay. I’m sorry,” he told her.

“It’s fine,” Milah relented, moving towards the living room. “Just don’t bring it up again.” And he wouldn’t. Not for a very long while.


End file.
